When we are motivated by revenge our mind gets cluttered with all of the ways we can make the other person or company lose. It is amazing how creative the human brain can be when it’s tasked with developing ways to get back at another human being for something that happened in the past. At the same time it is unfortunate how silly and stupid our acts of revenge can manifest themselves.
We need look no further than Washington D.C. to see the ridiculous outcomes when revenge is the primary motivation. When the parties want to get back at each other, we end up with grid-lock at best and bad things for citizens at worst. There certainly isn’t any forward movement when both sides are more interested in making the other side look bad then in actually getting something done together. The result is always a lose-lose negotiation result.
When revenge motives result in an agreement, only bad things happen.
The loser loses – The team on the short end knows they’ve lost. They know they aren’t getting what they need to be successful and they know their status in their own company is diminished. With diminished status the team can’t get necessary stakeholders on board with the new deal and likely can’t deliver on the newly negotiated agreement nor are they motivated to work through the issues.
The winner loses – If the loser can’t deliver what has been negotiated, the winner is left with an empty agreement. The team that was doing fist pumps a week ago is now having to explain to executive stakeholders why their business partner isn’t able, or willing, to deliver on the new agreement.
Stakeholders get angry – The business owners on both sides are angry because they need a working agreement. When stakeholders get angry they either send the negotiators back to the table or take matters into their own hands. Negotiators ordered back to the table after supposedly winning, are disempowered and weakened. Negotiators who are moved aside are unemployed.
There is no way for either side to win when we start with a goal of revenge. The outcome is always lose-lose. Revenge is a waste of intellectual and emotional energy. Starting with a win-win goal is the only way to construct an agreement that moves both parties forward in a way that gets positive results.
©2013 Rick Wong – The Five Abilities® LLC
